In January this year we crossed the “magical” 2 year mark. The one after which everyone says you start to feel at home in your new country. I very naively had high expectations of waking up the next morning and all of a sudden feeling different. I don’t have to tell you that it didn’t exactly pan out that way. Instead I was floored by a crushing wave of homesickness. Instead of seeing it as something to celebrate, it became a mourning of the fact that I haven’t seen “home” in 2 years. That it’s been 24 months since I last saw a mountain, gave my friends a hug, lived in my own house. 104 weeks since I last traveled on roads so familiar it feels I can do it in my sleep. 730 days had passed and my live still felt far more unraveled than I would’ve liked it to be.
I know there are some people in the world with an eternal wanderlust in their souls. They pack their bags ever so easily and jump on a plane on their way to the next adventure. I am not one of those people. Travel and exploring I love, but I want to put down roots. Deep ones preferably. And pulling out those roots and replanting them have been hard. Nevertheless, they are in. That much I can say. And with each passing day they are getting deeper. Sometimes the process frustrates and tires me. Sometimes I get impatient. Some days I feel like I have simply had enough. And even though I am one of those people who just always keep soldiering on, some days I do feel like stopping. I entertain grand plans of buying an endless supply of ice-cream, sending the boys to school with an Uber every morning, shutting myself inside the house and watching Grey’s Anatomy all over again, right from the very first episode. Luckily I know with the rational part of my mind that I can’t stay there. So I feel sorry for myself for a couple of days and then I move on.
Anais Nin said to not allow one cloud to obliterate your whole sky. I’m taking her advice and I will not allow the longing for a place I once called home to stop me from noticing the bright blue Australian skies. I will not allow the times I have felt like a total outsider to cast a shadow on the times I have experienced true Aussie generosity and acceptance. I will not stop noticing the amount of lessons learned, and the new opportunities for growth I have been exposed to and most of all I will be thankful for all the beautiful new friends I have made.
The first two years have been tough, nail-biting at times, emotional, brutal, challenging and exhausting. Still, there has been lots of joy, love, growth and miracles, big and small. I will continue to take the good with the bad and be grateful every day for this journey.
migratingtomotherhood 